Guess what I'm going to be when I grow up? ©Me Inc 1996, 1997, 1998

Sarah-Jane is nearing her 10th birthday in a matter of weeks and is learning every day. She is a top scholar, a Brownie sixer (she was a gnome, then an elf and then a gnome again), a St John's Ambulance Badger, a keen swimmer . . . and a proper little madam. Her principal occupation is running her parents ragged, tormenting her little brother and grinning a cheesy grin to avoid the blame. Oh, and she never shuts up. She likes cartoons (even the bad ones), football, (especially Newcastle United) playing with her GameBoy and computers and is already a confirmed party animal ... especially football parties. She has left a string of broken hearts and broken windows behind her on her journey through Great Britain. Sarah-Jane has now mastered the violin enough to qualify for her Grade 1 exams, and would have got a distinction ... if she'd practiced at all. In fact she is destined to be one of those multi-talented supermodel types with a degree in computational astrophysics and a following in the concert circuit, that we all envy and detest. But she's lovely really. May God have mercy on our souls ...